tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-60469182011-07-08T10:52:47.160Zthe mighty crumbback in 2010 - older, mightier, crumbier...crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comBlogger1831100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-19008561853940021572010-03-21T12:07:00.002Z2010-03-21T12:21:51.258Zthe returnHi, I'm Crumb. Anyone remember me? It's just over 5 years since my last post, so I guess probably not. So this is me starting over. I had just turned 25 when I wrote my first post back in November 2003. Now I'm 31 and that seems a lifetime ago. I'm definitely curvier than I was back then, I'm I guess that means I'm an even bigger git than I was before.Those of you who haven't read mycrumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1108861250403214332005-02-20T00:46:00.000Z2005-02-20T01:35:39.046ZcrumbledI've moved. I've moved to a different e-house. An interweb abode that is far less yellow and brown.People who have read TMC for the last 15 months - thank you. I'd be honoured if you would update your links and come and visit me in my new placeIt's definitely time for a change. I'm uniting with my dearest friend (though not in the biblical sense) in an effort to produce a level of tatcrumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1108471326817869922005-02-15T12:40:00.000Z2005-02-15T12:43:17.350ZThe most irritating noise in advertisingCan I suggest 3 potential candidates for this claim to infamy? 1. As if “Where in the World? PC World” adverts weren’t shoddy enough, they have to interject them with my first nominee…Bom-bom bom-bom2. Or how about producing some inoffensive adverts about yoghurt and then pissing everyone off by adding this at the end… Mmmm-Danone3. Finally - the crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1108121700024483072005-02-11T11:33:00.000Z2005-02-11T11:44:17.206ZThe Friday Fuckwit!This weeks Fuckwit has been brought to you by the power of Mr Bonobo Love #31 Daniel O’ Donnell (and His Blue Rinse Brigade)Pied Pipery, Crooning, Granny Loving O’FuckwittI used to work in the box office at Colston Hall in Bristol. Colston Hall is a concert hall which hosts many different events throughout the year. Acts and shows perform there for all musical tastes; you’ve crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1108040346385827552005-02-10T13:56:00.000Z2005-02-10T20:06:36.120ZThe shit awards
So last night was the biggest night of the year for the British music industry? Don’t worry Brit fans, I’m not going to poo-poo it too much. I’m sure it was a great show and it has without question been a fine 12 months for British music.
But has anybody been listening to Radio 1 this week? However impressive the Brits may or may not be, it does strike me that they mean morecrumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1107941199447325812005-02-09T09:25:00.000Z2005-02-09T09:26:39.446ZTelford: Show Yourself!
I hereby propose Telford does not actually exist.
I am backing this up with the fact that I have never met anyone from Telford, I have never known anyone who knows anyone from Telford and I have never heard Telford mentioned in conversation.
Admittedly, there may be at least 7 other places that I’ve never been to. Workington for example, also Petersfield & crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1107802221585895382005-02-07T18:26:00.000Z2005-02-07T18:51:56.400Zthe mighty clown
I'd love to be able to say I've been somewhere nice. But I haven't, I've been on a work 'team-building event'.
In Swindon.
Actually it wasn't too bad. Nice hotel, decent grub, minimal effort required. All I had to do was ensure that I avoided the evening entertainment of 'circus skills' and everything would have been fine.
That's where I fell down. Quite literally.
crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1107501519092145682005-02-04T07:18:00.000Z2005-02-04T07:20:04.596ZThe Friday Fuckwit(s)!
#30 Destiny’s Child
Backtracking, Bling-Bling, Rather Delectable Fuckwits
Question: So you need a soldier do you?
You like dem boys up top from the BK?
Hmmm, that’s strange, because only a couple of years ago you were rattling on about how fucking independent you were. The clothes you’re wearing, the car you’re drivin’ and the house you live in you proudly crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1106771699781809942005-01-26T20:34:00.000Z2005-01-26T20:42:08.593Zseen any odd car stickers recently?
I have...
Good. That's really good. Thanks.
(who?)
crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1106671083059303132005-01-25T16:35:00.000Z2005-01-25T16:38:03.060ZBeggars belief
I was in the queue at the cashpoint.
“Can you spare any change mate?”
Literally moments earlier I had barely managed to scrape enough change together in 5p pieces for the parking meter.
I didn’t ignore him, I didn’t fob him off, I remained sympathetic to his desperation. I told the truth.
“I’m afraid not mate, sorry.”
There was a short pause before he began muttering. crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1106305078036189012005-01-21T10:57:00.000Z2005-01-21T10:58:56.593ZThe Friday Fuckwit!
#29 Michael Fenton-Stevens
Posh, Nondescript, He-Gets-Chuffin’-Everywhere Fuckwit
Michael’s list of showbiz credits is impressive, there is no denying that. But then again he was bound to hit the jackpot a couple of times as he does appear to accept absolutely every part that his agent offers him. My problem with him is this, for every 3 good things he has done in crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1106227617937317102005-01-20T13:11:00.000Z2005-01-20T13:26:57.936ZMore Eastend Secrets!
Since yesterday's revelation it's occurred to me that there were two other 'secrets' about Eastenders that had passed me by.
These are glaringly obvious and whilst loads of you backed me up yesterday - I imagine that today I'm on my own and am about to appear daft and slow on the uptake!
1. Sharon's club is called 'Angie's Den' - I always thought this was in tribute to crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1106122368523867602005-01-19T08:12:00.000Z2005-01-19T08:16:25.853ZShe’s Gary Oldman’s Sister!!!!
Really! Mo from Eastenders!
The real Gary Oldman!
But people of Blogland - I need to know whether you knew this already.
Please tell me whether I have been alone in not knowing this. I’m beginning to think the world is keeping secrets from me.
I found out last Thursday. I was staggered and couldn’t wait to share my awesome bit of ‘not many people know crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1106052247646182682005-01-18T13:43:00.000Z2005-01-18T12:44:07.646ZThe blink of an eye
Every evening from now on I will be sitting alone, in silence, in a field.
It makes sense you see. I need to prolong my life and I reckon this will do the trick.
It’s fair to say that the average person spends a lot of their life trying to make themselves as comfortable as possible.
I mean, we grasp opportunities to spend time with our favourite people, to watch our crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1105961406131269082005-01-17T11:06:00.000Z2005-01-17T11:30:06.130Zhangovers can strike at anytime
Sunday am. Dozing. Begin playing with zip of sleeping bag. Realise it makes the funniest noise I've ever heard. Contemplate whether it is the funniest thing in the world. Decide that it probably is. Spend the next 15 minutes making myself titter by zipping it up & down at a variety of speeds.
Tried it again this morning with my coat. Didn't have the same crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1105690605895747642005-01-14T08:15:00.000Z2005-01-14T08:16:45.896ZThe Friday Fuckwit!
#28 Linda Barker’s Little Anonymous Friend
Smug, Goody-2-Shoes, Achieving the Impossible Fuckwit
Everybody hates Barker don’t they? I know I’ve particularly despised the screechy old twat for years. But now I’m over that, I can block her out. I can ignore her absurd scissoring gestures and demented grin. Now I’m turning on her mate.
I felt sorry for Anon lady at first.crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1105529120015038942005-01-12T11:19:00.000Z2005-01-15T13:23:35.610ZStuff!
Three mini posts...
1. This morning I cut myself shaving, not on the razor mind you, on the razor’s packaging. Yes folks, whilst attempting to rip open the plastic box containing my new de-bearder I managed to lacerate my finger. Please feel free to laugh and point at me.
2. A big hello to Cherryripe at b!tchin' desktop distractions who appears to have classified my blog under the crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1105447503355052022005-01-11T13:40:00.000Z2005-01-11T12:45:03.356ZThe agony of choice
TV? Bollocks more like.
Whenever I want to just slump in front of ‘the box’ I may as well slump in front of a packing case. There’s never anything good on. I only have terrestrial TV, and can’t even receive Channel 5.
Last night I couldn’t sleep. I had felt a bit knackered so was in bed by about 11 but once I was there I'd have had about as much success as if I had crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1105116614225521432005-01-07T16:48:00.000Z2005-01-07T16:55:02.176ZThe Friday Fuckwit(s)!
#27 all those with ‘hilarious’ nicknames who phone Radio 2
Traffic-updating, Anonymous, Uncreative Fuckwits
Possibly a hypocritical post given most of us have a blogging alias but what the heck…
Some folks have a radio station of choice that they listen to every day. I don’t. Some evenings I might fancy news so I’ll opt for BBC 5 Live. If I’m feeling particularly crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1104950946234805872005-01-05T18:18:00.000Z2005-01-05T18:51:40.006Zstandardisation
"High street retailers report record numbers of shoppers flocking to the January Sales!"
Sorry, what?
Are you saying that anybody who has been to a shop since Christmas is a 'shopper'?
I've been to the January sales. I rather resent being categorised as a 'shopper'. It makes me sound like I have an uncontrollable addiction. I only bought a towel and a CD. I'm hardly hooked crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1104875718775783102005-01-04T20:45:00.000Z2005-01-04T21:58:00.056Ztypical lazy bloke
As I sodded off for the whole of December I thought I'd share a festive thought or two with you this week. Okay? Good.
Most of the girls in my office looked at me with a 'typical lazy bloke - can't be arsed' kind of look when I announced to them on Christmas Eve that they would not be receiving Christmas cards from me this year.
I posted lots of cards to family, friends crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1103893053600620302004-12-24T13:21:00.000Z2004-12-24T12:59:19.360ZThe Festive Friday Fuckwit!
#26 The Mighty Crumb
Elusive, Non-blogging, No Michael Stipe Fuckwit
I'm not going to tell you why I haven't posted since the 3rd. Primarily because in recent times this interweb site has become less a blog, more a series of lame excuses and apologies for non-blog. There is a reason - email me if you give a shit (or even a yuletide log).
Anyhow. 'Twas the officecrumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1102078199678262572004-12-03T13:47:00.000Z2004-12-03T12:49:59.676ZThe Friday Fuckwit!
Firstly, can I offer my sincere apologies to those of you tuning in for your weekly dosage of ranting directed at an obscure celebrity. This week confess that I have clearly sold out to the world of reality TV and picked an obvious subject…
#25 Natalie Appleton
Spoilt, Ex-Saintly, Whiny, Appley Fuckwit
I shamefully admit to having been a bit of an avid viewer of the last crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1101943339364765302004-12-01T23:06:00.000Z2004-12-01T23:24:50.593ZDeodo - rant!
There's no such thing as 'the Lynx effect'.
I bought Lynx for years, but no buxom cavegirl ever tried to 'bump and grind' with me*.
So thesedays, rather than forking out goat-loads of cash purely for the brand name, I favour some of the lower-profile products on the market.
Just recently I have moved onto 'Right Guard - Xtreme Sport' and my flavour of choice is 'pure crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1101799899573035942004-11-30T07:29:00.000Z2004-11-30T07:31:39.573ZCan’t buy me love
Did anyone else ever wonder how Chris Evans got so wealthy so quickly?
I mean, one minute he was presenting a 2 hour Sunday afternoon slot on Radio 1 called ‘Too Much Gravy’ the next thing he was buying Virgin radio for about one hundred squillion dollars.
Okay, I understand that in between these events he did the Big Breakfast, then devised Don’t Forget Your Toothbrush and crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1101676963093257592004-11-28T20:59:00.000Z2004-11-28T21:22:43.093Z
EXTRA EXTRA! It’s my first ever exclusive!
Emma ‘Sickly Sweet Spice’ Bunton is the latest squeeze of Pop Idol moron Darius Danesh!
Yes folks for one post only I am going to assume the role of a tabloid journalist. Think of me as a 3am Girl or a Victoria Newton. I am going to be the heatmagazinest.
Because peeps, whilst I don't frequent the gossip columns on a daily basis - I do not crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1101458409878318542004-11-26T08:32:00.000Z2004-11-26T08:40:09.876ZThe Friday Fuckwit!
#24 Linda Smith
Repellent, Anti-humorous, Panel-show Fuckwit
If you don't know who this lady is - it's probably just as well.
Linda is a regular guest on Radio 4's News Quiz, Just A Minute and I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue, and her TV appearances include Have I Got News for You, They Think It's All Over & Call My Bluff.
She's a "comedian"
The term is being used in it's crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1101339173095755542004-11-24T23:32:00.000Z2004-11-24T23:32:53.096Zimmobile
My mobile phone is dead.
My mobile phone used to have a little green light on it that flashed all day and all night as if to say "Look at me! I'm a phone, I'm a fucking phone and I'm alive! Yeah you look at me."
But I woke up the other day and to my horror it's little light had stopped flashing. It was totally unexpected. There had been no signs, there was no prior warning. I rushedcrumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1101253124713967232004-11-23T23:38:00.000Z2004-11-23T23:40:22.383ZMute Tourettes
I don't make a habit of promoting charities here on TMC but this seemed to be a particularly good cause. I know it touched me personally.
Mute Tourettes Syndrome has long been in the shadow of its more
famous sister-disease, 'Tourettes Syndrome', and although much rarer, is even more tragic in its consequences.
While a child suffering from Tourettes has difficulty in containingcrumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1101127709083304072004-11-22T13:46:00.000Z2004-11-22T12:48:29.083ZI Drove All Night
Thanks to all those of you who came along to Coventry City Centre to watch the Crumb roadshow on Friday lunchtime. May I take this opportunity to assure you all that the performing badgers weren’t actually on fire…
It’s funny how something quite arduous can be made into something quite exciting if you just do it a little differently. Washing up for example, is far more crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1100629173553494152004-11-16T17:53:00.000Z2004-11-16T18:19:33.553Zthe AWOL crumb
A post for my regular readers, other e-friends and anyone else who cares...
I would admit that a recurring trend throughout my first blogging year is that I tend to sod off for a week here and there without telling anyone. Clearly I am at it again.
Sorry.
Anyhow, for the few of you who are interested, I just wanted to explain myself. I haven't lost interest in my blog, or crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1100005012101268822004-11-09T13:42:00.000Z2004-11-09T12:56:52.100Zthe home of carnival
So, the first post of my second blog year. I’d quite like to make it a good one but it will almost certainly be the usual bollocks.
As I’ve mentioned before, you could wrack your brains for many hours before finding anything particularly interesting to say about my home town Bridgwater. Due to the cellophane and bonded fibre production in the town it is known crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1099833632894413302004-11-07T13:08:00.000Z2004-11-07T13:22:41.570Zblowing out candles
In the words of Captain Edmund Blackadder:
"Well it started badly, it tailed off a little in the middle, and the less said about the end the better. But apart from that - excellent."
I think that pretty much sums up the first year of TMC! But cheers for reading, and you never know - I might even get around to writing somthing decent next year!
crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1099640101128908962004-11-05T07:26:00.000Z2004-11-05T07:35:01.126ZThe Friday Fuckwit!
#23 Bill Griffin.
Confused, Revenue-Wasting, Eat My Shorts Fuckwit
So Mr Griffin, you are Head of Marketing for Channel 4? If I can just clarify - the Channel has won the rights to show repeats of the Simpsons?
No hold on, don't bother answering that, because clearly it has. The whole country knows the answer. Largely thanks to the fact that every single bloody crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1099501497162255722004-11-03T17:01:00.000Z2004-11-03T17:04:57.163ZPin Pricks
It's a PIN
It's not a PIN number
'PIN' stands for 'personal identification number'
Therefore 'PIN number' would stand for 'personal identification number number'
That's silly.
Don't ever say it again.
It's a PIN
Got it?
Good.
crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1099430231970966902004-11-02T21:02:00.000Z2004-11-02T21:17:11.970Zthe nightie crumb
As an adult I have always opted for a boxer short/T-shirt combo for my night time sleepage attire. I am absolutely horrified to notice that it has become rather bloody cold of late. This has not been helped by the fact my new flat does not have central heating, we have these night-storage doofers. I have awoken more than once to find that the sub-zero temperature has crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1099315191557809202004-11-01T13:15:00.000Z2004-11-01T13:20:56.763ZWhen you’re up you’re up, and when you’re down
- it’s shit
The Highs
#1. I have started to see my dad a little bit more. I live in Bristol, he lives in Cambridge. He moved away many years ago and he now has a new life and a new family. To be honest we have drifted over the last few years. Not sure where the blame lies, or indeed whether there is any blame. Maybe it’s just the way of the crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1098425311870062582004-10-22T06:07:00.000Z2004-10-22T06:08:31.870ZThe Friday Fuckwit(s)!
I was inspired to begin the ‘fuckwit’ series by a monthly article that used to appear in Loaded magazine a few years ago. The Boiler Room was very much along the same lines as the FF, a no-holds-barred, character assassination of unsuspecting ‘Z’ list celebs in the name of fun. Sadly it didn’t run for very long - but along the way it did manage to encapsulate my feelingscrumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1098302606792508662004-10-20T19:20:00.000Z2004-10-20T20:03:26.793Zcustomer service
I waited patiently in McDonalds. The one member of staff behind the counter was serving somebody. I was the only other person waiting. I was 'the queue'.
Then a rotund, baseball-capped chav ambled around to the serving area and spotted me waiting. He opened another till, wiped his nose on his sleeve and bellowed:
"WHO'S NEXT PLEASE??!!"
I paused and took a moment to crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1098209707618367712004-10-19T18:03:00.000Z2004-10-19T18:33:21.240Zspitting image
I don't look like Bombhead off Hollyoaks
I'm sure I don't.
But a section of my friends (including my girlfriend) have been taking great pleasure in winding me up and insisting that I do. The buggers.
So, who could I turn to who will be totally honest with me? A dependable person, who I can trust and who will tell me straight? Ah-ha! -bestest mate, that's who.
Crumb: "I don'tcrumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1098038316567622332004-10-17T18:38:00.000Z2004-10-17T18:50:44.980Za warning for the ladies
I liked this...(apparently it's a new scam that is going around)
crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1097821428052171762004-10-15T06:15:00.000Z2004-10-15T15:15:39.110ZThe Friday Fcukwit(s)!
My blood pressure needs a rest so I am pleased to introduce the rantings of another FF guest this week. So without further ado...
Ladies and gentleman for one day only, your friend and mine, Lord Norfolk himself, Mr JonnyB
#21 Anybody who has ever worn any form of product from ‘French Connection’
Pseudo-rebel, Humour-free, ‘Look at me! Look at me!’ fuckwits.
Yes, crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1097754604640864812004-10-14T11:48:00.000Z2004-10-14T11:50:04.640ZThe stupidest man in the entire world
This is a post about David Beckham.
Thanks largely to the Azerbaijani clock I was a little drunk yesterday. I’m sure that they shouldn’t be allowed to stage football so early in the evening on a school day. It's bound to hurt.
Anyhow, I kept myself sober enough to return home and watch the tribute to Brian Clough on the BBC. From what I can remember it crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1097568387117769252004-10-12T08:05:00.000Z2004-10-12T11:45:00.823ZWhere is my mind?
And so there I was, untouched by the futility of my task, doing my utmost to lure competitors and spectators alike to my sideshow on the 19th Century circus field.
Within the striped tent outside which I stood was a boxing ring. In the red corner sat a butch, dark-skinned, muscleman baring his teeth. My aim was to entice brave housewives into the blue corner to spar with crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1097480382703650242004-10-11T07:37:00.000Z2004-10-11T07:40:57.873ZThe Naughty Crumb
HMV, Broadmead Shopping Centre - Bristol, Sunday 10th October, 15.03 hrs.
These days I find it increasingly difficult to get one over on my good lady. She is so used to my mischievous ways that I can’t trick her anymore.
For example if I say “Dear, we really ought to buy the new Abi Titmuss calendar, I hear the pictures were taken in some picturesque countryside” or “You crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1097412177079938772004-10-10T13:42:00.000Z2004-10-10T12:45:09.276Znow that's what I call an advert!
crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1097217273916322222004-10-08T06:33:00.000Z2004-10-08T06:34:33.916ZThe Friday Fuckwit!
#20 Natasha Kaplinsky
Rather Attractive, Morning Glory, Ballroom Newsy Fuckwit
Oooo. A controversial one.
I have to be honest, this is the very first FF that I feel a little sad about. I’ve disliked all my previous victims and have targeted them in order to expel some anger over their existence. Natasha however, does not fall into that category. Until recently I crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1097146893684468182004-10-07T10:56:00.000Z2004-10-07T19:53:16.530ZCompulsive Tarting
A 72-year-old Malaysian man has married this week for the 53rd time and insists he is no playboy despite some marriages lasting just days.
"I am not a playboy. I just love seeing beautiful women," he said.
Me too pal, but I find it’s much less hassle to just buy Loaded.
Have a quick read of this and look at his picture. You can see why they fall for him can’t you?!! Fair crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1097059522657279062004-10-06T10:44:00.000Z2004-10-07T19:51:15.593ZPrecious Time Is Slipping Away
Hey y’all. I’ve taken some time out to have a quick birthday. ‘Twas Sunday 3rd October and if you’re interested I turned 26. Managed to drag it out for a few days, took a couple of days off work and generally got exceptionally drunk. Fab.
In fact a very fine time was had. I even managed to get some random lady with whom I was previously unacquainted to buy crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1096735173224497402004-10-02T16:30:00.000Z2004-10-07T19:56:12.256ZThe (very very late) Friday Fuckwit!
Sorry it's late. My dad came to visit and I haven't seen him for a couple of months so I got pissed with him instead. Bit of a bummer that I couldn't post this on time, especially as Mr Billericay has been sending his readers my way (only to be confronted by a bunch of guff about paper clips.) Ho hum, here we go...
#19 Charlie Dimmock
Flame Haired, Green crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1096489857840394102004-09-29T20:16:00.000Z2004-10-07T19:57:27.570ZClips Around The Ears
Be very afraid.
Sooner or later there will be no more room on planet earth. The whole place is going to be over-run by paper clips.
An estimated 20 billion paper clips are sold each year.
Canadians spent $8.3 million in 2002 on the bloody things.
I'm getting worried.
Surely we don't need any more. Can't we just reuse the old ones? Where the hell do they all go?crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1096406841354592202004-09-28T20:58:00.000Z2004-10-07T19:58:38.856ZOffice Politics
Work is getting shiter. I've booked Friday off to talk to a lady at the employment agency specialising in lingerie piracy.
Working in HR as I do, I have the difficult task of spending my days with lots and lots of ladies. In fact I am 1 of 6 blokes in my office out of about 30. Of the 6 blokes I am 1 of only 2 who is not married and is still of an age where getting blind crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1096009521208656712004-09-24T07:00:00.000Z2004-10-07T19:59:48.163ZThe Friday Fuckwit!
#18 Denis Norden
Silly Old Clipboard Fuckwit
I’m in my mid-twenties. Therefore I would not remember Norden from his days with Frank Muir on ‘Take It From Here’. It may have been hilarious, but somehow I doubt it.
I know Norden as the original and worst perpetrator of the ‘unnecessary link’. The undisputed king of the naff outtake show. 'It’ll Be Alright On The Night' –crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1095965052057195062004-09-23T18:30:00.000Z2004-10-07T20:00:53.680ZSpeed Demons
It's a dual carriageway. It has a speed camera half way along. It also has little signs all the way along it with '50' clearly emblazoned upon them. Probably safe to say that it's a main road with a 50-mile-an-hour speed limit then?
You'd never have thought so, looking at the bunch of dickheads that drive along it every day. The moment they get within 200 yards of the camera crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1095806108372369802004-09-21T22:18:00.000Z2004-09-21T22:35:08.373ZThe Restless Crumb
Right gang. I have a new place to live now, that's all sorted. What I need now is a new job. My current job is, quite frankly, shite. In fact, it is shitey shitey shite shite. It's been shite for ages but what with summer and moving house it shifted down a notch or two on my priority list. Suddenly a few months with no annual leave are stretching out ahead of me. Enoughcrumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1095680047373325042004-09-20T11:33:00.000Z2004-09-20T11:34:07.373ZGet ‘Em While They’re Hot!
A bizarre large sign next to the A4 on the way into Bristol:
“SHOPS TO LET – Hurry! Last few remaining!”
Eh?
“Doreen, while you’re out would you mind picking me up a pint of semi-skimmed, a twix and a shop?”
“Actually, better make it 2 shops, I hear they’re running out.”
Mystifying…
crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1095410152726674272004-09-17T08:34:00.000Z2004-09-17T08:41:12.813ZThe Friday Fuckwit!
This weeks Fuckwit has been brought to you by the ever-diplomatic & politically correct Baron Worzel of Bummage. Hold on to your cats.
#17 Vernon Kaye
Gruff-voiced, High-volumed, Floppy-haired, Brazilian-loving Fuckwit.
Regardless of the fact that I can rarely find time to post on my own
blog, I could never have passed up the invitation from His Crumbness, to vent my crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1095274281429350682004-09-15T18:14:00.000Z2004-09-15T19:15:13.183ZHunted
Firstly, I am not pro-hunting, but as a country boy I can see both sides to this endless argument and I hope I can open some eyes with this post.
All too often I hear people talking about how terrible hunting is, but I wonder how much they really know about it. For example, I don't think many people realise that the a large proportion of the protesters in London today are not there to crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1095197083586733272004-09-14T21:24:00.000Z2004-09-14T21:41:23.640ZTest The Nation
This appeared in the 'Big on TV' mag that came inside last Sunday's edition of the News of the World.
Can you find five differences between the pictures?
Well yes I think I can, on account of the fact that I am not blind.
Someone is paid to come up with this stuff for crying out loud.
crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1095074201179292132004-09-13T11:12:00.000Z2004-09-13T11:16:41.213ZOr Should I Go…? (part 2)
So after seeing the balloon extravaganza we wondered whether moving out of that house was the right thing to do.
Our concerns were quickly laid to rest.
Had we not bought this flat, rather than moving house we would have spent our two weeks holiday visiting Cornwall for our summer holiday.
Had we not bought this flat we would have travelled down to Cornwall on crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1094818314776822152004-09-10T13:04:00.000Z2004-09-10T14:24:57.156ZThe Friday Fuckwit!
#16 June Sarpong
Obscurely Trendy, Cilla-Wannabe, Hangover-Telly Fuckwit
We all did it when we were teenagers. We spent untold amounts of time desperately trying to make ourselves look and sound more mature. Whether it was an attempt to attract attention from the opposite sex, to get served in the off-licence or purely because we didn’t want to be seen as youngsters, we allcrumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1094593335139931342004-09-07T21:42:00.000Z2004-09-07T21:45:03.363ZShould I Stay?
The worst thing about leaving behind the rented house that I have lived in for the last 3 and a half years is that I have lost a tremendous view over the rooftops of Bristol. From my bedroom window I had a panoramic view of the City to the right, the Clifton Suspension Bridge straight ahead and the Ashton Court Estate away to the right. It was beautiful.
At 7am on the morning crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1094194994660844572004-09-03T07:03:00.000Z2004-09-03T07:07:52.643ZThe Friday Fuckwit!
#15 Jeff Brown
Intolerably Loud, Absurdly-Styled, Double Glazed Fuckwit
The only man in the world capable of making Ken ‘Reg Holdsworth’ Morley look like a decent bit of casting. Jeff has plunged the irritating telly commercial to depths only previously explored by Howard the singing Halifax prick.
You buy one, you get one free.
I say you buy one, you get one free.
Goodcrumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1094121107118426332004-09-02T10:30:00.000Z2004-09-02T10:31:47.116ZShit to be Sure
I don’t know whether it was a result of the comments left on my post on Tuesday.
It may have been.
I hope it was.
If it wasn’t – I may have a problem.
This morning I awoke with a song playing on a continuous loop in my head. A song I am certain I have not heard in 10 years or more. A song which my parents used to play in the car when I was younger.
But this song is not crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1093952535074579132004-08-31T11:39:00.000Z2004-08-31T11:42:15.076ZMoved On (Finally)
Wotcha. Thanks for all your messages. The move went okay. There’s still plenty to do but I have returned to work today satisfied that it was two weeks well spent.
So we reached August Bank Holiday Monday. It seemed logical to try and sell the hoards of old tat that had been uncovered over the course of the move. So it was only polite to attend the car boot sale at the crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1092666367210468322004-08-16T14:15:00.000Z2004-08-16T14:26:08.033ZMovin' On
Last Thursday the purchase of my first home was completed. I am now officially a homeowner and have a rather spiffing little flat in Brislingon, Bristol.
But bugger me, it's a tiring game alright. Since last Thursday I have not stopped. I have packed and carried more boxes than Santa's head elf and have shifted 5 van loads of heavy furniture. As a result of all this fetching and crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1092400940407899772004-08-13T12:34:00.000Z2004-08-13T12:42:20.406ZThe Friday Fuckwit!
This weeks FF has been expertly prepared for your enjoyment by the ever-tremendous Ms Jones...
#14 Jason Cowan
Thong-wearing, Relentlessly Dull, Orange Fuckwit
Ever since The Mighty Crumb invited me to contribute to his Friday Fuckwit feature I’ve been thinking hard about whom to select as my victim. The Crumb himself shies away from the obvious, preferring to select more crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1092313438716992402004-08-12T12:22:00.000Z2004-08-12T12:23:58.716ZUnsporting Behaviour
I’ve always liked Chris Moyles. He and his breakfast friends make me laugh. After years of ‘the utter twats’ (sometimes referred to as Zoe Ball and Sara Cox) he has made me switch back to Radio 1 in the morning after a very long absence.
But I am not happy to hear him taking the piss out of the Olympic Games.
Chris has to recognise that he is in a position where he is crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1092173039910637472004-08-10T20:56:00.000Z2004-08-11T07:51:44.706ZTwo Pennies To Rub Together
I've been mulling over Watski's recent post about the kids of nowadays and their reluctance to do paper rounds. My own experience of a round of paper leads to many painful recollections.
I grew up in a village just outside Bridgwater in Somerset. I did a weekly paper round in the village and every week I delivered 222 papers. Though to be honest 'newspaper' would crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1092093230483360152004-08-09T22:51:00.000Z2004-08-09T23:18:03.633ZShe used to be so nice.
She was the sort of mate that I couldn't help spending time with. She was just so nice and relaxed. And yes - she was very attractive and although just a friend I sensed there was something there. A definite spark, but always unspoken and never acted upon.
I knew her 4/5 years ago whilst at University. I used to see her a lot. She was topsmart.
We lost touch. She crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1091792382911941452004-08-06T11:37:00.000Z2004-08-06T11:44:54.816ZThe Friday Fuckwit!
#13 Karl Howman
Highly unnatural, compulsive flashing, brush stroking fuckwit
How man? Good question.
How the hell did this chump ever make it as an actor? Presumably all the other actors heading for the ‘Brush Strokes’ auditions were all on the same coach as it plunged over a cliff, or struck down by a mystery plague. In doesn’t matter, because whatever led to Howman crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1091557996789880482004-08-03T18:33:00.000Z2004-08-03T18:36:01.316ZNothing on the telly
What time is the snooker back on Vera?
crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1091475640518122902004-08-02T19:27:00.000Z2004-08-02T19:42:05.010ZHeal The World
You've got to love some of these random ads that us blogspot bloggers get to display on our sites. I've just logged on to find a link to USA Unicef.org at the top of this page.
For one short, beautiful moment I had suddenly become:
The Mighty Crumb
"Health, Education, Equality & Protection for Every Child"
I have to be honest guys, I'm not sure I can deliver...
crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1091008879508495752004-07-28T09:50:00.000Z2004-07-28T10:03:06.813ZWee Bonny Crumb
Being a poncy, softy southerner to whom the expression 'north of Birmingham' may as well be spoken in Swahili - I am rather apprehensive over the fact that I'm flying to Glasgow today. I've never been to Scotland before but I hear that it's very very cold. I am also fairly concerned about running into one of these little bastards, who look as if they give a nasty nip.
To fitcrumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1090930977152833972004-07-27T12:21:00.000Z2004-07-27T12:23:50.653ZI'm too nice #3
Monday – 5.45pm, just got home after shite day.
*ring ring, ring ring*
Crumb – “Hello?”
Unknown – “Hello can I speak to an M. Crumb?”
C – “Speaking”
U – “Hello Mr Crumb, I’m calling on behalf of Abbey”
C *jovial and hopeful* – “Abi Titmuss?”
U *laughs* – “No, the building society”
C – “drat”
U – “You have been identified as being eligible for a supersmart, winner takes it all, crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1090580890763461852004-07-23T11:07:00.000Z2004-07-23T11:08:10.763ZThe Friday Fuckwit!
#12 Katy Hill
Slighty Goofy, One-I-Made-Earlier, High Moral Ground Fuckwit
Katy Hill, the ‘whiter than white’ former Blue Peter presenter enjoyed a great deal of publicity in the early stages of her career by proclaiming herself as "the ultimate virgin." As; "One of the few women to get married in white and was justified in doing so."
A vicar’s daughter, Katy gained a crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1090494639823810962004-07-22T11:10:00.000Z2004-07-22T11:10:39.823ZWhile The Cat’s Away
My good lady is working up in Birmingham all week this week. She departed in the early hours of Monday morning and is not expecting to be home until late on Friday.
Ever the opportunist, I couldn’t help being attracted to a rather fruity prospect when I nipped over to Sainsbury’s yesterday lunchtime. I was confronted by a display of ‘LOOSE PINK LADIES’ on special crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1090410336019902602004-07-21T11:42:00.000Z2004-07-21T11:45:36.020ZIgnorant Bitch at the Bar
On Saturday evening I was fortunate enough to be visited by his Pencilness for a night of drinking and general merriment. Sadly (and as the post title suggests this is the basis for the up & coming, drawn-out, mildly amusing anecdote) on the same evening I had the misfortune to stand next to……a right Ignorant Bitch at the bar.
Our first port of call was the crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1090242676537786982004-07-19T13:08:00.000Z2004-07-19T13:11:16.536ZToday I will mostly be playing
This!
It's rather good. I beat it by being Susan Harper from 'My Family' but it's darn clever nonetheless.
Guess the Dictator and/or TV Sitcom Character
crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1089983284179615982004-07-16T13:05:00.000Z2004-07-16T13:21:38.223ZThe Friday Fuckwit(s)!
I proudly (if reluctantly) present this weeks offering, beautifully crafted by my good e-pal Unlucky Man. “Reluctantly Crumb?” I hear you ask, “Why so?” Well folks, I am reluctant because it is far, far better than anything I have ever come up with on a Friday!
#11 Dominic Littlewood & Kristian Digby
Obscure, Smug, Daytime TV, Property Ladder Fuckwits
crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1089804763511084662004-07-14T11:21:00.000Z2004-07-18T21:21:46.533ZPasta is Shit
I am baffled as to why I am clearly in a minority when it comes to disliking pasta.
Anyone who likes it is absolutely wrong and I am right.
Now, some arses as promised...
One for the gentlemen
And one for the ladies
crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1089721432523575012004-07-13T11:51:00.000Z2004-07-13T12:23:52.523ZCivil Faulty
So Brown is going to cut about a zillion civil service jobs? Well I'm not surprised.
I exaggerate, but the public sector organisation for whom I work appears to have about 10 staff per job. I come across many lazy, overpaid jobworths at high level on a daily basis. I also speak to many hardworking individuals at a lower level who are underpaid and quickly become disillusioned crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1089390529328243892004-07-09T16:28:00.000Z2004-07-09T16:32:22.586ZThe Friday Fuckwit!
#10 Holly Valance
Suntanned, Reversed Charged, Down Under Fuckwit
I’m a red blooded male. And it’s probably fair to say that I enjoy (from time-to-time) looking at and drooling over sparsely dressed ladies. I confess to being a regular reader of magazines such as FHM and Loaded and I have been known to watch the odd soap opera purely based on totty content.
Having crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1089289008020046732004-07-08T12:15:00.000Z2004-07-08T12:16:48.020ZWeath-er Without You
You know the myth that all French people stink of garlic and all Americans are overweight -(that is a myth right?) Well I always thought that it was a similar terrible cliché that us Brits continuously talk about the weather.
But it isn’t a terrible cliché, it is absolutely true. And I am as guilty as anyone. So much so, I am now writing about it.
Having said that, I crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1089192541333129102004-07-07T09:28:00.000Z2004-07-07T09:29:54.396ZA Small Point I’d Like To Flag Up
Euro 2004 has finished.
Tomorrow it will be two entire weeks since England were eliminated.
Now take the flags DOWN.
And here’s one in the eye for all those flag-toting chavs, a letter spotted by my lady and written by Robin Tilbrook of Bath:
“The first two lions on the English crest came from William the Conqueror and are supposedly called Rollo (after a crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1089100221338255152004-07-06T07:49:00.000Z2004-07-06T07:50:21.343ZDear friends and readers.
I dreamt about my blog last night. I’m not sure this is good. When I woke up this morning I reflected on this and decided that it must mean that I have not been devoting enough time to it recently. I blame Big Brother as I usually sit down at the computer about 10pm to post, read other blogs and to leave some comments. I have also been quite pissed recently so crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1088509334612685652004-06-29T11:41:00.000Z2004-06-29T11:42:14.613ZRiding Along in my Automobile
A pain in the arse, that’s what driving across the centre of one of Britain’s larger cities twice a day is. A right pain in the arse.
One junction in particular is a nightmare. Oncoming drivers on the carriageway I am joining can’t really tell that you’re there - and even those that do don’t let you out very often. The upshot is that I can sometimes sit there crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1088150845050050622004-06-25T08:02:00.000Z2004-06-25T08:11:40.120ZThe Friday Fuckwit!
This weeks Fuckwit has been written by Pencil, aged 25, From Reading.
#9. Tony Blackburn
Gimpy DJ, Cliff Richard loving, King of the Jungle Fuckwit.
On Wednesday, Tony Blackburn was suspended by Classic Gold for playing Cliff Richard records. He remains off the air at the digital radio station and the 61-year-old DJ will certainly be missed by his regular audience of crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1088075926873837152004-06-24T11:18:00.000Z2004-06-24T11:18:46.873ZMon Voiture
The ferry docked at Portsmouth on Monday evening at around 9pm. We got in the car and set off from the port, full to the brim with shopping so rather heavy and sluggish. In fact 150 quids worth of booze and cheese were stashed neatly in the boot, not even leaving enough room for a couple of small Armenians.
We made it about 8 miles along the Motorway with the footy on the radio.crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1087644789438704832004-06-19T11:29:00.000Z2004-06-19T11:33:09.440ZFrance
That's where I'm going today. Well, Le Harve to be precise. Just nipping over to get some wine and cheese.
I'll be back on Tuesday, bearing gifts of some frogs limbs and half a horse.
ttfncrumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1087575866043309132004-06-18T16:22:00.000Z2004-06-19T12:14:33.236ZThe Friday Fuckwit!
#8. Martin Fowler
Badly Acted, Jumped Up, Fruit Vending, Allotment Fuckwit.
Well, would you marry a bird who looks like a vomiting gargoyle suffering from facial spasms?
Fffffffuckwit.
crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1087390628534776342004-06-16T12:56:00.000Z2004-06-16T12:57:08.533ZA Momentous Occasion in the History of Crumbkind
Having viewed approximately 18 trillion houses and flats in Bristol over the last 3 months we have finally bought a flat. It is smaller than we wanted, and to be honest we would have preferred a house, but it cheaper than we budgeted for and is in a fantastic location so we are definitely winning.
Our offer was accepted this morning and there crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1087292047102488172004-06-15T09:33:00.000Z2004-06-15T09:34:07.103ZA Mugs Game
Quite glad I had £5 on Bulgaria to reach the quarter finals then…
Quote of the Week
From Federico (Big Brother 4 show pony) about Emma (current housemate and winner of this year’s “screechy irritating prick” award - previous winners include Jar Jar Binks)
“She looks as if she’s been smacked around the face with a cricket bat wrapped in chicken wire”
Bravo sir!
crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1087218732458131622004-06-14T13:07:00.000Z2004-06-14T13:12:12.456ZThe Late Late Show
I’m not so sure it’s a bad thing you know, losing to France I mean. Of course it could never be a good thing - but providing we still qualify (and after the Croatia vs Switzerland game it still looks hopeful) I reckon we can look at it positively.
The fact is that had England won the press would have been even more unbearable than usual, making out that we are the best crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1086936093390916732004-06-11T06:41:00.000Z2004-06-11T06:41:33.390ZThe Friday Fuckwit!
#7. Felicity Barr
Virtually unwatchable, wooden, awful awful awful newsy ITN Fuckwit .
I reckon that it’s safe to assume Felicity was not employed by ITN for her journalistic ability? This woman reads the sport report in a manner only achievable by someone who does not know what sport is. She puts so much effort into making it so deadly serious you’d think she was crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1086817873632082342004-06-09T21:03:00.000Z2004-06-09T21:51:13.633ZTalc Of The Town
There are some things that are strictly 'personal' aren't there? The sort of things that are pretty embarrassing, the sort of things that you really don't need to tell people. Ever. Definitely the sort of things you shouldn't blog.
Ah well, here goes, let me tell you a story...
As many of you know, whilst at university - myself, Pencil, Bonobo & Worzel all used to share a crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1086687416530387272004-06-08T09:35:00.000Z2004-06-08T09:36:56.530ZQuote Me Happy
Life’s pivotal decisions:
Straight or Gay?
Meat Eater or Vegetarian?
Britney or Christina?
And the all-important - what’s the more irritating out of 1. Bev Kev Bev Kevving, 2. Curry’s adverts with the Barker witch or 3. Norwich Union ‘quote me happy’ adverts?
It ranks up there doesn’t it?
Last night I watched an episode of The Royle Family. Superb.
Then I changed crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1086099070673027572004-06-01T14:10:00.000Z2004-06-01T14:11:10.673ZGone Fishin'
Well, surfing actually. Yes folks I can smugly report that just 6 weeks after Bonobo and I went to Newquay for a week I am officially back on holiday. This time I'm off to Croyde. Went out this morning and spanked £140 on a new tent - this is it - the Gelert Skydome 6. It's lush.
We’re not intending to come back until Sunday so no posts until early next week. However we willcrumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1085749981499223292004-05-28T13:12:00.000Z2004-05-28T13:13:01.500ZThe Friday Fuckwit!
#6. Olivia Colman
Bev Kev Bev Kev Bev Kev Bev Kev Bev Kev Bev Kev Bev Kev Fuckwit.
You might recall the when I started TFF I said that there are an awful lot of obscure people out there who I irrationally dislike. Here’s one.
Olivia is the sort of actress who seems to pop up all over the place. I'm not quite sure what did to upset me (but the Bev Kev Bev Kevving is crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6046918.post-1085521816274198942004-05-25T21:06:00.000Z2004-05-25T21:52:56.456ZThe Day I Caught The Train
I got on the 18.40 train from Bristol Temple Meads to Paddington on Sunday. What a beautiful evening it was. Tranquil, pure, I'd even venture as far as 'perfect'. I had the best seat in the house to see it in it's full glory - the journey out of Bristol, through Bath to Chippenham is a beautiful bit of countryside. I was there in seat A1, just gazing out over the crumbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17624707941917564304noreply@blogger.com